Worship the correct Messenger

Kaboom. The world ended.

Well, it mostly ended. There was an apocalypse of some kind, and most of humanity was wiped out. The remaining hundred thousand humans had to struggle through a few centuries of darkness and despair, but things were pretty good otherwise!

One day, a hunter-gatherer stumbled upon an invaluable cache of Holy Bibles. They reported this discovery to their tribal chief, and soon their entire tribe adopted Christianity as the cornerstone of their society.

Even better, this wasn't our modern, twisted form of Christianity. It was a fresh start! All of the televangelists and charlatans died when the world kaboomed, and therefore the teachings weren't contaminated with nonsense such as "By giving to the poor, you are actually harming them by making them lazy!". It was just Jesus preaching love, pure and simple!

Except... it wasn't Jesus preaching these things, per se. Unbeknownst to the tribe, the cache of Bibles that they discovered was supposed to be incinerated. It turns out that in the year 2051, a prankster changed the auto-correct settings immediately before these Bibles were printed. Consequently:

• "Jesus" was renamed to "Jessica". He was also a woman now.
• "Yahweh" was renamed to "Yahway".
• "The Holy Spirit" was renamed to "The Spirit of Pure Light".

Aside from these changes, these Bibles were identical to the one that you have on your shelf. Yes -- that one!

A few hundred years later, a Time Traveler suddenly appeared in the village square. As if that wasn't already astonishing enough, the Time Traveler was also The Pope from the year 2042! Wow-wee!

The Pope was a little bummed about the apocalypse, but he was relieved to learn that Christianity had become the cornerstone of this reconstructed society. Except... there was one, teensy-weensy little problem. He opened his Bible to John 16:4 and proclaimed:

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

He closed his Bible and glared at the village chief. "And there you have it," he scolded. "Jesus is the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through him! This Jessica that you are worshipping is a false idol. The Christianity you are sowing will remain barren without the Blessing of the one, true God! Repent! Change your ways, or be condemned to the fires of Hell for eternity!". With his fiery rebuke delivered, he stomped back to his Time Machine and returned to the year 2042.

(Except... he mistakenly returned to the year 2052, which triggered a chain of events that ultimately lead to the apocalypse. But, that is a story for another day!)

The villagers looked at one another, stunned. "Yikes!" laughed the village's blacksmith. "That Jesus guy they worship sure sounds like a tyrant!"

The village's tailor nodded with approval. "Yeah -- I doubt that Jessica would be that petty! I'm sure that she'll be happy as long as we live our lives according to her teachings! That's what's important!"

The village chief prayed. "Jesus, Jessica, or whoever you are. Thank you for your teachings and guidance. Now... grant us righteous strength in our Holy War against the infidels who worship Boodah! They preach kindness using words other than yours, and therefore it is rotted and sickening!"

Oh well -- they almost got the point. Maybe they'll figure it out after one more apocalypse!